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How I got here and why I'm choosing bariatric surgery.


This past year I had a doctor who ran a weight loss study I was part of sit down and give me the true 411 on my health and my future.   He said things I wasn't ready to hear.   I have pondered over his words for a long time.

  • You won't be a good mother for those children you say you love.
  • Within your 50's or even your 40's you will have diabetes and your life will be limited.
These are just a couple of the sentences he said to me that caused me to panic, stop and think really hard.

I've been trying to lose excess weight for over 4 years and I have only lost to then gain even more.   I am only 5'2" and I am carrying an extra 150 pounds.   The weight is literally killing me.

My weight was already a problem but on Christmas day 2015 my world was rocked to the core as I went to check on my daughter and found her with deep cuts all over her legs.   Not scratches and not just a few but many deep cuts.   I knew something was wrong but I had no idea!!!!  Stress and continual worry became my constant companion as I slept near my daughter when she was suicidal and made sure to never leave her alone.   Now 16 months later through help from a loving Heavenly Father, medical help and therapy my daughter is doing really well!   I've been able to let down all the guards that were in place within myself.   I still check in with her and she still gets help but we are in a much better place.   My body was finally able to relax.

I made it through a huge storm.   My daughter is just one part of the story...the other parts include a son who was so anxious I had to suddenly pull him out of school and home school for the rest of that school year,  my oldest daughter spiraled down and began to struggle with anxiety and depression and my youngest child was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.  All of these things happened from November 2015 to now.     The great part of this story is my family is making it!   There is a greater sense of family love and better communication.   Life isn't perfect but it is so sweet!!!

As things calmed down I was finally able to step back and look at my health.   I was struggling to walk when I got out of bed in the morning.   I was so tired all the time I would come home from work and sleep.  I had no energy to play with my kids.   And the doctor's words haunted me.  I started having thoughts pop into my mind about my own funeral.  

I don't remember what day or what made me realize but I came to the understanding I needed more tools than just a new weight loss program or a new drink or a different exercise routine.   I also realized I needed to do something about my own depression and medication was only part of it.

I had been thinking about Bariatric surgery for about a year.   So many voices say "No, don't do it!" and they have reasons that are sound.   But at some point in this new year I knelt down and prayed and asked my Father in Heaven for help.   I have felt guided to this decision.   I don't think it is for everyone but I feel it is right for me.

This blog is my journey to become "More fit for the Kingdom".  I want to be a better wife, mother and daughter of God.   I want to serve better and show love with my actions rather than just words.  I want my children to know keeping our body's fit is important and I want them to remember me years from now as the Mom who played!

I am thankful for this opportunity to change my habits and behaviors and to become the person on the outside I am on the inside.

I am writing this blog mostly as therapy for myself but it is also here for anyone who feels alone in their struggle with obesity, PCOS and any of lifes challenges.   You are not alone!   And I know life is meant to be joyful even alongside all the hard parts!

Brenda

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